In a recent Washington City Paper article about contraceptives, the topic was brought to light about our [we men] ignorance when it comes to birth control. Apparently we think the vaginal ring is equivalent to a magic wand and wearing two condoms is more effective than wearing just one. Well, isn't it?

Seriously, how does a vaginal ring work? As I was reading the article, I started asking myself how much I knew about birth control methods, other than the most effective and least used — abstinence. And really, I'm still not sure if condoms are made out of sheepskin or latex.

And who's Jimmy anyway?


The reason we men know so little is so simple. As mentioned in the article, we don't have the pleasure of annual checkups, and we couldn't get a pap smear if we wanted one; hence, we don't find ourselves in front of someone who is forcing this information down our necks [heh].

It's the same reason why most women I know don't know the difference between an alternator and a starter, shock absorbers and struts, and they think their car has a carburetor. And don't even think about asking your girl's best friend for a lug nut or dip stick. I don't even have [nor have a need for] a car and I've changed more tires in the past couple of years than all my female friends combined. There's AAA, roadside assistant, OnStar and of course, your closest male friend.

But, do women really know that much more than men when it comes to birth control? The article says one in four women answered in a survey that they thought pregnancies could be prevented by douching after sex. The correct answer is: not douching before sex can reduce your chances of getting pregnant because it reduces your chances of even having sex.

Ok, that joke stunk. Another 18 percent of women surveyed said they thought you could reduce the chance of getting pregnant by having sex standing up. A hundred percent of men may not know whether that's true or not, but a hundred percent of men will just go along with it.

And of course there's The Pill. Not the red one. Not the blue one. It's just called The Pill. I'll confess to having not a clue what the pill does other than work better than the rhythm and pull out methods. I think it also helps treat some women's psychotic mood swings — also known as PMS. Seventy-eight percent of the men surveyed and just under half of the women said they were clueless about The Pill. All they know is that it works.

Gustav Seestedt, 23, says that birth control pills are the form of contraception he has “the most indirect experience with.” He has no idea how they work. “I thought it, uh, controlled, uh… I actually don’t know, now that I think about it,” he says. “Oh, man, I thought it had something to do with hormonal control, but that doesn’t seem right at all. That sounds pretty awful. I thought it, uh, somehow killed fertility with like chemicals and stuff,” he says. The ring, however, strikes Seestedt as a superior option. “I thought that was pretty fine, because, from what I understood, it was kind of a low-cost way of doing it, and it wasn’t really…I like it because chemical pills and stuff are kind of weird, [but the ring] was kind of placed inside, and…you know what I mean? It just kind of did its thing, you know?”


female condomBut does anyone know how Mylanta works? Or a remote control? Or a marriage?

Listen boys and girls; you don't have to know how an airplane lifts into the air to get from here to Kenya. What you do need to know is how to buy a ticket, get a passport and hide your valuables before landing in Nairobi. I'm not advocating we men not learn about birth control or our female companions not share the treasure trove of information with us; I'm just saying that it doesn't take a genius to not make babies.

Men [and boys], they're starting to give away FEMALE condoms not because we don't know what a condom is made of; they're giving them away because we're not responsible enough to use them.

If educating ourselves is what we need to do to get back what little [and effortless] responsibility we had, then let's do this:

And you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000. If you go back to work right away, childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person.

Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications. For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300 — depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula.


How much does a box of condoms cost again?